Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012 is in my review

2012 has been a year filled with both ups and downs. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? Well...that's debatable. 2012 started off rocky but eventually turned out to hold some major life changes. 
::On a whim, I applied to a charter school in Camden. I surprisingly received a call back (unlike some other districts I've applied to) and was called in to interview. After interviewing and doing a demo lesson I was hired on the spot! Crazy, right? No one wanted me to take the job. Saying "It's too dangerous." or "I wouldn't take a job in Camden if it was the last job available." I think I had my mind already made up. I'm like that sometimes. (okay all the time) I ask for advice but my decision has already been made. I needed to challenge myself and a challenge is what I got. This job is one of the most difficult things I have done. It is physically and mentally taxing, but in the long run I know I am growing as a person and an educator. Along the way, I met some pretty special people. They brighten my day with their twisted humor and it always helps to know you're not alone in the daily struggles of inner city teaching. Saying goodbye to my OLPH family was sad. My heart will forever remain loyal to them, but I am proud of decision. Even if it will only be for a short while, it will impact me for the rest of my life. Plus, if I can teach in Camden anywhere else would be a cake walk in comparison!::
:: Scott made another job change this year. Landing a 9-5 job has really changed the dynamics of our relationship. Considering we were always ships that pass in the night it was a great change of pace for us. Dinner together every night. Being able to catch up on the daily grind face to face not via texting.  It's nice to feel like I actually have a husband :o)::
:: This past fall my poppop passed away. There is a gaping hole in my heart from this devastating loss. I idolized him since childhood. We had a bond that "outsiders" would never understand. He was the kindest, silliest, most loyal person I have ever met. Sadly, the world is missing out after losing such an upstanding man. I can only hope to continue making him proud (which was difficult to do) I only wish I had a chance to say goodbye. I'm sure he's watching over me making his usual commentary. I'm not sure if I will ever heal from this. I know it's all part of life, but you can never fully prepare yourself for this kind of loss. I still cry at least once a day over him. You'd think I'd be all cried out by now. Sometimes they are happy tears when reminiscing over the good times we've had. Usually, they are still sad tears. Still wondering why he was taken from me so swiftly. You never realize how little time you actually have with loved ones. If only life had a rewind button..::

Going into the new year, you make resolutions you don't keep.  I need to truly commit or it isn't worth it. I need to be the change I want to see in the world.
::Patience is not my virtue. I want instant gratification and life doesn't always work that way. I have strict plans or schedules set up in my head and I do not patiently wait for things to come my way. Sometimes I think that is divine providence stepping in to say, "sit back and enjoy the ride." Before I can do that my mind has already moved onto the next item on my mental laundry list of things that need to be accomplished and I never truly get to enjoy it. ::
::I need to be more positive. Sometimes I feel like if my life were a cartoon I'd have the ominous black storm cloud hanging over my head. My negativity radiates off me and is a very unattractive quality. I need to start looking for the silver lining or I need to at least try. ::
I hope 2013 brings my family and me lots of love and happiness & more laughter and less tears this year.

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